Mt. Everest Expedition: Bill McGahan’s Decision
As Dave Hahn wrote yesterday, my attempt at trying to climb this monster called Mt. Everest is over. I wanted to write today about what went into that decision.
Over the past several weeks we have made several "rotations" on Mt. Everest to higher and higher camps and elevations. During these rotations I have felt quite strong for the most part, and in fact, our entire team has been strong. One of the keys to climbing this beast is that the group work together, and move efficiently and rapidly through the most dangerous parts of the mountain. We have in fact been doing that.
One of the key objectives of our rotations is to acclimatize. What this means is to allow the body to adjust to higher and higher altitudes by moving up the mountain slowly, by climbing "high" and then sleeping at a lower altitude, and then descending to a lower altitude (Everest Base Camp) and starting the pattern all over again.
About a week ago I started to notice that my body was not acclimatizing like the other members of the team beginning at about 22,000 feet. At night at this altitude, when I was attempting to sleep, I would be drifting off to sleep and then I would have to sit up and gasp for air. I would then pant for a minute or two, and then the entire process would repeat itself. This occurred for 4 to 5 nights ALL NIGHT LONG. I tried Diamox (a medicine used for acclimatization), but it didn't help me. During these nights I would look over at Sara (my daughter) who was restfully sleeping in her sleeping bag, and curse her (just kidding).
At about 22,000 feet my body simply stopped acclimatizing like it had been from the beginning of the trip. The result of this was that during the day I would not be rested. During our climbs I would be panting hard, and I would be slower than I had been, and now slower than the rest of the group. I tried hard to figure out how to sleep and get my acclimatization going again, but I just couldn't do it. I was getting weaker (not stronger like the rest of my teammates) every day above 22,000. Sara, on the other hand, would be getting stronger each day that she spent up there. I told her she was never going to get a car and she was grounded (just kidding again).
After our last rotation we returned to Base Camp. I went to bed and woke up LIKE A NEW MAN. Simply descending to Base Camp (which is still at 17,500 feet) allowed me to get a 10 hour night sleep, the first night sleep I had in 6 days. I slept like a rock, and I felt great (and feel great right now). So it's a weird feeling to be sitting at Base Camp, feeling extremely strong, and yet knowing that my attempt at the summit is over.
But, I made the decision that my attempt to climb Mt. Everest is over, and I know it's the correct decision. And here are my considerations:
1. I do not want to be a burden to my teammates. I think the hardest decision a person can make is to evaluate himself (or his children). It is very difficult to make these comparisons. I feel that I am a strong climber below 22,000, and still, above 22,000, I still think that I am an "okay" climber. I can climb forward past many people on the trail, but still, I can not keep up with my teammates, and I can not climb the tallest mountain in the world. These are tough assessments, but must be done honestly and candidly (so, next time one of your kids is cut from a team let it be known that I CUT MYSELF FROM MY OWN TEAM!)
2. This mountain is over 29,000 feet tall. At Camp 2 I would still be 1.5 VERTICAL MILES below the summit. If this mountain were 24k or 25k feet tall there is no doubt in my mind I would make myself summit. But, this is a monster. I have no interest in "high pointing" at Camp 3 or Camp 4. If I can't climb this mountain to the top, then I am done.
3. Sara. I am not simply a member of a typical team of, say, 8 guys. I am also the father of another member of this team. Another consideration that I must always have is what is in the best interest of Sara. And that's easy - to eliminate from the team its weakest member (me) that might cause the team to move slower, or - if I pushed myself beyond my limits - that might cause the team to have to stop to medically rescue me off the mountain. I know that with 6 professional members of our team, and one client (Sara), that, with me dropping out, Sara is in a better place. She will have an entire team of the best climbers in the world working with one client - her.
4. People die on Mt. Everest every year. It's a brutal, unforgiving place. There are many motivations for climbing this mountain (ego, personal challenge, etc.) and sometimes those motivations drive people to ignore the signs that their bodies are giving them and then they push themselves well beyond their limits. Its protocol in these blogs not to write about what you see on Mt. Everest. There are many other teams, many other climbers, and many other people making decisions about whether to proceed with their climb or to end it. Many continue to keep climbing. I am choosing to make sure that I don't die on Mt. Everest. I have a great family, great friends, and a great community, (and many things to do with the rest of my life) and I am looking forward to all of these things in the years ahead.
Dave Hahn and Linden Mallory are terrific guides. Dave has made this my decision, and has said repeatedly that I can "take another shot" and I can keep climbing (this trip is pretty expensive). But there really would be no purpose to trying again. I have been up to about 22,000 feet before and have struggled beginning at that altitude. Before this trip I thought that it was other factors that caused my lack of acclimatization (lack of water, not eating enough, etc.). But now I know that my body is just not made for climbing 8000 meter peaks.
I have climbed a lot of tall mountains (Aconcagua, Denali, Kili, etc..) and I really enjoy the experience. But if you hear of me planning to give an 8000 meter peak another try please GRAB ME BY ME ANKLES and stop me. My body is just not built for it.
I will be hanging out in Base Camp for the next 3 weeks (like a parent on the sidelines at Tophat) cheering on my daughter and the rest of the team. There are many things to do at Base Camp - last night I lost in Jenga, but came in second in a big Yahtzee tournament. And most every night there is a late night poker game (guides from many teams and countries like to play Texas Hold em, it turns out). And I am surrounded by the tallest and most beautiful mountains in the world. So, all is good here at Everest BaseCamp.
I am disappointed that I will not get a chance to summit, but I am happy that I made this journey, that I made it with my 16 year old daughter, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I will remember it forever.
Love and peace to all.
Bill M.
Comments (27)
Bill,
I just finished reading your blog (sorry I was a bit late checking the update), and was blown away by the fortitude and conviction you displayed in making your decision.
It had to have been an incredibly difficult one for you to make- and at the same time, NOT. The reasons you listed were, needless to say, all overwhelmingly outweighed the decision to carry on up the mountain. although I’m sure the pull was and is still strong, you showed even greater strength in staying put at Base Camp and “taking one for the team”.
This extra time at Base Camp also provides you with an opportunity to win back the expedition fees via the late night Texas Hold ‘Em winnings you are bound to take in! Don’t forget to play the “Oh woe is me, I’m all alone down here at base camp while my daughter is up there on the summit without me” sympathy card! That should be good for a few extra chips or let you pass on the ante a few times…
Anyway, on behalf of the Benno Group congrats on your achievement. You’re an inspiration to us mere mortals down here at sea level.
See you in August?
Best,
Marc
Posted by: Marc Reiter on
Bill- I haven’t checked in for awhile. We met in Gorak Shep. I was on the Island Peak team. Just wanted to weigh in. When we all met a few weeks ago, I sensed something pretty unique between you and Sara. The fact that you made the decision you did speaks volumes of the kind of person you are.
Dzum Dzum!
Tim
Posted by: Tim McLaughlin on
Breeze,
Enjoyed reading your update and on all of the factors that went into “The decision” (Lebron who?) Proud of you and the maturity you showed in coming to your conclusion, as you said, what amazing memories you, Sara and the team will all cherish forever. Can’t wait to hear all about it when you get back, prayers with the McGahans in Hotlanta as well as all on Everest. Would love to be playing some “shoes” with you at base camp, higher than Vail.
Posted by: David Eicher on
Hi Bill
I was struggling significantly and backed off of a climb a few years ago and my partners went on to summit. One later said to me “Thanks. You never let your problem become our problem.” Bill, you recognized your problem and have now allowed your teammates a better chance of summiting and not having your problem become theirs. Good for you!
You put on a positive and bold face with your post above, but I’m certain that it was one of the hardest decisions you’ve ever had to make, and one that you will agonize over forever. That’s OK. That’s what climbing does to us when it truly gets in our blood and that is all part of the climbing experience. High and lows….great extremes….you know the drill. It’s one of the main reasons that climbing is not for most people.
We train, plan and obsess over climbs for months if not years, and some go remarkably well, but many times they do not work out as we plan. That, too, is the essence of climbing. Summits or well-executed climbs are the ultimate high. But descending with tears running down our face when climbs just did not go well is just as much a part of the experience. The disappointment is palpable and the emotions are painfully real, but they remind us just how alive we are. We all should be so lucky to feel this kind of raw emotion, even if we’re feeling it because we’ve chosen not to climb on.
Posted by: Tom from Marietta on
Bro - I’ve been thinking about the significance of the date of your post. I know thoughts of our Dad must have been swimming around in your head as well. Again, I’m proud of you—not just for the physical achievement, but just for making the choices to get you to the mountain. I know Dad probably couldn’t have imagined two McGahans on Everest—he would have been proud. Look forward to seeing you both soon. -Bro
Posted by: Martin on
Hi Sara. The Mule’ Family is following you from Greenwich and checking this blog all of the time- thanks so muvh for your updates. You are amazing!! So glad that you and your dad are having this wonderful opportunity. So sorry your dad has to stop ascending, but happy he is feeling better!!!
Posted by: Marian Mule' on
Bill - In reading comments to your post I am seeing the word “stud” used a number of times. So you will not summit, but at least you can still lay claim to the world’s highest hole-in-one and now the label of “stud”. That is pretty good work. In all seriousness, I really appreciated the difficulty in the decision and honesty in the post. I am proud to be your friend for the past 32 years, and looking forward to another many many years of friendship.
Sarah - You are amazing and we are looking to following your summit quest over the next few weeks. Go Sarah and Team!
BK
Posted by: BK on
Uncle Bill, we are so proud of all that you have done. This is an amazing adventure and you are lucky that you don’t have us there to play Jenga with you. We want a Jenga match when you return. Please enjoy your time on the mountain for us as we know you will be running base camp before too long. Just come home safely. We all miss you and we will continue to cheer for you both. We love and miss you!
Posted by: Kasey, Sophie & Emma on
Bill, congratulations on having had to face the hardest decision in mountaineering, and making such a wis choice. As a climber, I have the utmost respect & admiration for someone who knows when to stop. I am also disappointed for you, but happy that, as you say, you are there for your daughter. I’ll be pulling for her, every step of the way.
Posted by: Nicky Messner on
Bill,
i expect that the Forex market in that part of the world will change in the next three weeks. The Base camp will probably have posted limits and game schedules and a therapist standing by to help all the
departing unforunate opposing players.
There will probably be Flags so that visiting climbers are attracted to the game site.
I can see it all now, extra Sherpa’s might have to be engaged to transport down the booty.
Let the Games Begin!!!!!
Posted by: Aunt Marie on
Bill - I don’t know what made made me check in today, but saddened to hear of the trouble you’re now going to cause down at base camp. I am so happy to see you make the smart and brave choice knowing your body and how it was reacting. Sending prayers and love to the safety of Sara and the team for a strong summit. The opportunity your family has endured over the last few years with these mountains has been and will continue to be inspiring. So very proud of the accomplishments, wise decisions, and your loving family and friends. Someone needs to send out a warning to base camp as no doubt I know Bill’s out to cause trouble :-)
Posted by: Eileen steil on
Mr. McGahan,
1. I really liked the first time you said I’m kidding about cursing Sara. I laughed out loud for a long time and miss hearing your jokes.
2. I can imagine nothing more fun than staying at basecamp for the next few weeks! I’m glad you made your decision and I am now jealous of your situation! You will have an amazing time and wake up to Mt. Everest and its beauty every day! Seriously what could be more ideal then spending a couple weeks just hanging out on the mountain? haha
Sabes-
BE STRONG!!!! I know it will be hard without your dad but everytime it’s hard touch your necklace and remember we’re all with you. I’m so proud of you and miss you so much!! PS we’re flying out to frontier next to eachother so we’ll have FOUR HOURS to talk yayyayayayay!!!!!!!!!! love you so much
Posted by: Tabes on
Bill,
You have shown true strength in making a decision in consideration of your health and loved ones. You’re a hero and a source of pride to Westminster. Come on back and let’s get ready for eighth grade football! And God bless Sara!
Posted by: Greg Anthou on
Bro - many thoughts over the last couple of days after reading your and Dave’s posts… First—my thoughts go out to the fellow climber that passed on the mountain. I know that had to effect you and the team deeply. Second—to Sara, gain confidence from your strength. Keep focused and in the “present” as much as possible and remember to have faith in yourself and your ever-increasing abilities. You are amazing! Finally—Bro, I am very proud and impressed by your humility and self-awareness. I know you have to be disappointed, but realizing that this is a journey and not a destination is truly impressive and amazing! You gave me a great teaching point for Sophie and Emma tonight—making hard choices is, well… hard, but that is what reveals your character. I am proud of you. Stay strong team!! Miss you and sending all my positive thoughts your way!
Posted by: Martin on
Great try Bill…....I will be praying for Sara daily…she will do great!
Jenifer
Posted by: Jenifer Dobbs on
Bill, Thanks for the message, the inspiration and the example you set for us all!
Posted by: Bob Davis on
Way to go, Bill! How impressive you are to face what can and can’t be done and make the necessary decisions. How many people could get to 22000 ft on the highest mountain range in the world - with a cherished daughter - and then stand back for her and the team’s success. Pretty awesome! Godspeed, dearest Sara.
Posted by: Mom / Grandma on
Bill- Your explanation of your thought process was brillant and well done. Basically sums up what many of us climbers have had to face at one point or will face in the future with more challenges (and age). Linden has guided me and my climbing buddies here from Richmond-you are with the best and so is your daughter but you already know that. It has been inspiring each day to read about your conquests and challenges. Kathryn LeBey
Posted by: Kathryn LeBey on
Bravo Bill! Great decision. Everest is no place for a “suck it up princess” approach. And way to play to your strengths with Texas hold ‘em! 3-4 weeks should be ample to offset your costs. Looking forward to seeing you and hearing all about the trip. Love and aloha to you two remarkable individuals.
Posted by: Peter Abcarian on
Beloved friend: Thank you for this most extraordinary post; for you wisdom; and for your love as a dad and colleague. I’ve been following all of you closely, praying for you daily, and gazing upon my old Prayer Flags as they continue to waft prayers on the winds to you and God. We’re here for you. Bill Clarkson
Posted by: Bill Clarkson on
What can I add? You are both so amazing. I will be cheering Sara on to the Summit. I know this is a difficult decision but you are wise to recognize your limitations. I know also, that you will experience much higher peaks in other areas of your life.
Thinking of yall constantly,
Lowndes
Posted by: Lowndes Harrison on
Bill what a stud you are to have done what you’ve done and to provide this opportunity for Sara. Reading about your adventures every day continues to be one of the hoghlighs of my day and has allowed me to lve vicariously through your experiences. You have so much to be proud of watching Sara move forward, and it’s something that every parent will face sooner or later—watchIng our children move beyond the places we’ve been able intake them. We’ll keep cheering for Sara as she presses on and, as always, you both remain In our prayers. Missing you at lacrosse games—great Westminster season and good fun at AYL. Expecting go see you at coyote trips this summer.
Posted by: Jones Lindgren on
Bill,
I knew your high IQ and wisdom would prevail in the end!
Frankly I’m relieved to have you back safe at basecamp. Now for Sara, I hope she can accomplish what her body will allow her to do without any interferences from mother nature!
Bill u da man!
Big hug
Vivo
Posted by: vivo abcarian on
errata — “...18-4 in the first round.”
Posted by: T on
Well played!!! I know you are very disappointed, but I can’t argue with your logic one bit. The Supremes would give you a 9-0 decision. Your boys did well without you on Monday and won State — because you trained them well. Sara will also do well on the summit, unfortunately without you, because you helped to train her well. I don’t know who said it, but I am reminded of the saying that “hard work, creates good luck.” May she have an easy climb to the top.
BTW — Girls LAX crushed Lovett 8-4 in fiorst round, Boys won big also.
Hey, just wondering, can I get any credit from you for playing OF in a 2-club wind on Easter Sunday?
T
Posted by: T on
Bill what a stud you are to have done what you’ve done and to provide this opportunity for Sara. Reading about your adventures every day continues to be one of the highlights of my day and has allowed me to live vicariously through your experiences. You have so much to be proud of watching Sara move forward, and it’s something every parent will face sooner or later—watching our children move beyond the places we’ve been able to take them. We’ll keep cheering for Sara as she presses on and, as always you both remain in our prayers. Missing you at lacrosse games—great Westminster season and good fun a ayl. Expecting to see you on coyote trips in June.
Posted by: Jones Lindgren on
Bill,
thanks for the update… You are a FAR stronger Man to recognize your own strength and to honor your family. I applaud you and appreciate your true strength… Being a strong husband, father and friend. Your example is inspiring ... as so many can watch and see. Stay strong, BE Blessed. God is good!
Posted by: Kathy Bremer on